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It has been an insane two years for me. Since starting the blog, B.O.O.M! Breaking Obesity, Overcoming Morbidity!, I’ve been on a laser-focused journey of overcoming obesity. It has been a series of high and lows, successes and failures, a journey of mini bouts of depression, sadness and setbacks to progress, triumphs and victories. Needless to say, I’ve been learning tons about myself, the character and nature of God and especially about patience, process and learning how to receive forgiveness from our Father and learn how to forgive myself.

For decades, I’ve been plagued with feelings of unforgiveness. In my many failed efforts and attempts to conquer obesity, I was plagued with feelings of guilt and shame before The Lord and that He was angry with me because I was failing Him. Moreover, any hardships I faced due to my obesity, I deserved because I wouldn’t and couldn’t overcome obesity.

I look back and that’s extremely sad that I felt that way and hard to write. I beat myself up for what I couldn’t change for decades. I remember being in labor and delivery and every complication I faced I felt with every fiber of my being I deserved because my obesity was my fault.

I felt ashamed before The Lord and felt He was angry with me. I walked around with my head hung low in constant guilt that I was a failure. With all my great accomplishments, worship and service to The Lord, this one curse I couldn’t break had overcome me and in my own eyes and In God’s eyes, I was deceived and believed I was the scum of the earth, a let down and a failure.

No matter what my family would say to me, that was the lie I believed. It wasn’t until The Lord revealed to me why I couldn’t lose the weight did I start to understand different. Also, it was this one scripture that changed my life:

always felt consistently that The Lord The I’ve felt that in my inabilities to conquer obesity, for my many mishaps, inconsistencies, towards and forgiveness towards myself.

One foundational theme The Lord had to break down in me is the concept of forgiveness.

Looking back over my life, I realize now, I was plagued by unforgiveness with every facet of my obesity. I realize now, I walked around day in and day out riddled in unforgivness on me levels:

I see now, in becoming obese, the strongman that plagued me most and kept be depressed and sad was unforgiveness towards myself in becoming obese, unforgiveness towards myself that I didn’t overcome obesity fast enough and most inmportantly, the lie I believed from the enemy that because I didn’t change, God didn’t forgive me.

during my process of overcoming

No one ever likes the word Process (at least most people I know.) According to Google, Process is “a series of actions or steps taken in order to achieve a particular end.” For me, sometimes a process seems forever, especially when you just need something to get done. For me, a process can be this long and drawn out project, a big undertaking, a goal you can’t ever seem to reach, but, God is teaching me how to look His processes and how they make us.

Sometimes, I wish I could have just lost the weight already. Sometimes, I get tired of the struggle. Sometimes, I hate the ups and downs of the process of weight loss. Sometimes, I just see what hasn’t happend and tend to look less at the positives and the good that’s happening. God is truly renewing my mind in how I view things.

I remember when I first became obese. I remember being in my senior year of college and noticing that I was putting on weight rather rapidly, but, a pound here, a pound there I just ignored. I remember going to my senior party and noticing my cloths we’re fitting differently, a stomach that was never there all of the sudden began to appear. I remember